I can tell you one of the biggest reasons I have lost IRL friends is our current political climate
Really exposed a lot of rot in people I thought were chill
The increased social isolation in our society is producing men and women who are incapable of socializing with others, especially socializing with other genders.
This is what happens when conservatives phrase every interaction children hve as sexual.
“Sex offenders are kidnapping our children!”
Now parents get CPS called on them for letting their kids be alone in public. And we forget the entire point of this scare was to attempt to make “pedophile” synonymous with “lgbtq” because we were still forcing many homosexuals to register as sex offenders.
No more getting your bikes and riding around with your friends after school. The Goonies’ parents would loose parental rights in 2025.
“The woke degenerate mob wants to make your children sympathetic to other degenerates, through comprehensive sex/gender education.”
Now teachers can’t mention the existence of lgbtq people without getting fired on the spot. They can’t teach about slavery anymore either.
Of course none of this religious, genital obsessed rhetoric helps children. It’s always been about attacking minorities while clutching pearls.
The result has been each progressive generation is less socialized, despite the world becoming a much safer place over time for children to freely move and interact in public.
Conservative ideologies produce regressive policy, and religion maintains voters for conservative ideologies.
We need to reverse this
We can’t, not by any peaceful means at this point
There will never be secure elections under fascism, and only twice in human history have fascists given up power peacefully, and those were very unusual circumstances that we cannot replicate here
Soap box and ballot box have failed, there’s only one box left…
IDK about everyone else but most of my friends vanished when they got married and started having kids. They never had time to do anything away from their kids and hanging with a bunch of children around didn’t appeal to those of us without them eventually I was the last one standing with no family obligations. I have since found another friend group that are mostly on various spectrums that make it unlikely they’ll be getting married/kids though.
Yeah that’s me, I got so busy that I just disappeared from friend groups. I’m very introverted, so even after we got past the more challenging parts of kids I relied on my ex to collect couple friends, and my kids to make family friends. Now that the kids are grown up and the ex is an ex, I have to start over …. But I’m very introverted
A society where having kids is a social death sentence is one where people will choose to go without
It’s certainly one of the reasons I don’t want them. Can’t do a lot of the things I enjoy with kids around and the stuff you can do gets worse with children constantly interrupting.
To counterbalance the “woe is me” (which is a perfectly valid life experience, and I do not mean to diminish it). I am posting so that people with no life experience do not think the “woe is me” is the only experience.
Decent adult straight men exist. We are just busy with family, careers and volunteering. One will not meet us in a bar as we, collectively, don’t have time for that. Volunteer for a cause one supports, and one will meet people one likes more.
As an aside, do men have the same issues as women in meeting “good” men? And is our collective taste in men rubbish? Is it something “we” are all watching on TV?
Edit: Really great article by the way. It is long with lots of examples and personal stories from men around the USA.
Traditional male social structures, groups, and third places have eroded.
Nowadays there are men‘s groups, which I can highly recommend to join or make one yourself.
What also works is being part of a local volunteer organization like volunteer fire brigade. Or like outdoors sports and such. Being part of a music band, orchestra, or choir is another great thing.
Local hobby groups that actually physically meet are another good choice
like 1/3 of my IRL friends have come from local TTRPG groups
Anecdotal but I’ve lost multiple social groups to breakups even though I was the one being abused in the majority of my relationships
Typically when this happens, there are a few reasons.
- the social group is full of trash people. This isn’t unlikely, considering they chose your abuser over you. That they no longer want to hang out with you should be counted as a win.
- They were your partner’s friends to begin with. If it’s a non-amicable breakup, of course they will choose them over you.
- You always took a back seat while your partner did all the socializing and meeting people. While you might have felt you had a connection with them, they primarily saw you as “xyz’s partner”.
Solutions:
- Stop dating abusers. If you notice abusive behavior in someone, break up with them sooner rather than later.
- Be more proactive around meeting people and fostering relationships. Go out and meet people and build your social network while you are single. When you are dating someone, continue to go out and spend time doing your own thing with your own group of friends. When you and a partner meet a new group of people, proactively introduce yourself. Actively cultivate and deepen the relationships you have with others.
- Breakups often lead to one of the ex’s not being invited around anymore. While this can be mitigated by (2), sometimes people just feel awkward about spending time around two people who have broken up. If you think this is happening, proactively reach out to the people you like in the group and see if they want to hang out independently - continuing these interactions can lead to you being invited around after everyone’s feelings of weirdness have subsided. But sometimes you will just lose a social group, and that’s okay, too. If you have been proactive about cultivating relationships, as in (2), you should have other social groups to fall back on.
Then those weren’t social groups, they were harassment networks. You’re better off learning that now rather than a hypothetical future where you needed their help
Historically, men will come together only when there is a cause, otherwise they prefer the stoic life. The quiet man is not struggling to make friends. There are lonely men however. Those are the ones we need to notice and assist.
Stoic doesn’t mean isolated.
Men are human and need human connection. You’re mistaking your autism for a universal male experience.
Almost no one has that kind of peace nowadays, and it shows
Some people have struggled all their lives. Room mates makes making friends easier but you also trade off with having potential asshole roommates.
Because, since 2011 or so, you never actually unplug from anyone.
